the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
