Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
