i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
