so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
