And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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