He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
