sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
