I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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