It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
