I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
