My hand turned me down
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
