Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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