THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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