As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I would ride that face into the sunset
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
