he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
