areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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