no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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