We won't sleep together?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
