When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
