I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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