i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
