I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
