2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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