just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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