I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
