My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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