Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
