just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
