JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
