it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
