dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
