If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
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