We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
