this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
