Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
