I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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