Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
