I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
