so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
