my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
