I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Found your dick twin last night
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Randomize
