Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
