So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
