my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
