i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
