So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
