Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
