matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
