Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my being single is dangerous.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
