I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
