how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just want to make out with him forever
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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