I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
